I recently came across a pro-versus-con analysis that I wrote about 13 years ago to help me decide whether I should remain the senior pastor at the church that I had served for 10 years, or whether I should leave. I ultimately decided to leave. What interests me today is to see that careful and actually rather clear-minded analysis. The emotions at the time were quite overwhelming and I’m proud that I was able to listen to my emotions for the truth they had to tell me and then set them aside. I notice the factors that caused me to leave:
- the caustic undermining of just one person that wanted me gone
- the sense of tiredness and loneliness that I was experiencing
- The self-doubt that results from the two above factors
- The need I had for encouragement and support from within the local church and from my denominational leadership.
As it happens, I talked this week to a pastor-friend who ministers in a completely different denomination who was just ‘let go’ from a church that he was serving when he needed to spend additional time supporting his children. A seasoned pastor who is a friend of his told him “Every local church has one person who is a minister-killer. Whether a church is healthy or unhealthy depends on if there are one of more people in the church who will stand up to the pastor-killer.” Perhaps there is truth to that. I knew at the time, and I still think today, that I would have stayed at that church and grown and learned from that painful season if:
- My District Superintendent (AKA ‘Bishop’ as such) had spoken to me one of one, given me his support and helped me learn what needed to be learned from that season. He didn’t.
- If those who wanted me to stay, especially board members, had stood up to the bully and protected me from her/him. They actually did this but took 5 months to do it by which time I had already decided to leave and was working through my ‘healthy exit’ plan.
If you are reading this and you are a tired, discouraged pastor, experiencing internal resistance, I would encourage you to demand a frank conversation from your denominational leader. So much will depend on whether you have their real support (not lip service) or not. Also ask your supporters in your parish if the minister-killer should have their way or not. We all need a mandate to lead. And one more thought: while it will take you years to recover, you can recover and have another ministry no matter how old or tired you are. God loves those whom He calls, even if He seems distant.
If you have been involved in discouraging a minister or resisting a minister or politicking against a minister know this: Dozens perhaps many dozens of wise, seasoned church leaders discerned the call of God in the minister’s life over many grueling years of ministerial preparation, education and formation. Together, they are certainly more Godly and gifted in discernment than you are.
If you are in ecclesial leadership, please do more than the denominational minimum regarding care of your pastors. Go and spend time with them, individually, regularly. Ask them how they are doing. Then listen, like really listen. Listen beneath the words. Ask them that same question in several different ways and listen to the answer each time. Remember that God’s measure of success is faithfulness, not metrics. That applies to you, as well. Each pastor is working to serve God in a world that is changing and bewilderingly complex. Equip the saints. Thank you.