“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is [wide and] easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. Matthew 7:13–14 ESV
“Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. Luke 13:24 ESV
I’ve been thinking about forgiveness and remembering. Some say that the Christian way is to ‘forgive and forget’. Both are very hard. Forgiveness is almost supernatural work and requires frequent repetition as our minds recall the wrong that was done to us. We need to re-forgive time and again for the same offence. Forgetting is, I think, impossible. Jesus warned us not to put burdens on other people that are too hard – or impossible – for them to bear. (See Matthew 23:4 and Luke 11:46.) So, I think this advice to ‘forgive and forget’ is fundamentally flawed. I suggest instead that we ought to ‘forgive and remember’.
To forgive is a commandment of The Lord. We are to simply to obey His direct and clear commandment. Even more, Jesus commanded that we forgive many times the same, or repeated offenses (Matthew 18:21-22, Luke 17:3-4) Every time we prayer the Lord’s Prayer we ask God to forgive us our wrongdoings even in the same way that we forgive those who do us wrong! Just in case we miss this point, Jesus immediately emphasis this popint from the Lord’s prayer: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15. Forgiveness is mandatory work for the Christian. Hard, repeated, humble, work. Yet the grace and mercy of God demand it from us. We have been freely given grace and mercy from God, and we are to freely dispense grace and mercy to others from the abundance that God has poured upon us. In this way, forgiveness is Holy Spirit, divine, supernatural work in and through us. Thank you Jesus!
To forget is not a command. Nowhere in scripture can I find a command that we Christians are to forget. If you know of one, please teach me. (Yes, Paul teaches that we are to forget the past and reach forward – Philippians 3:13-14 – yet that is not in the context of forgiving, but rather an encouragement to not be stuck in the past. Forgiving will help with that.)
Hebrews 8:12 and 10”17 tells us that God forgets our sins. But humans are never commanded to forget. I’m not convinced that Hebrews is literally telling us that God forgets our sins, because God is all-knowing (omniscient). This attribute of God is repeated very may times throughout scripture. Rather, I think that the author of Hebrews, writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, is giving us an almost poetic assurance that we are totally free of God’s judgment of our sins because of the completeness of God’s forgiveness, mercy and grace. The point is that we can be assured of total freedom from guilt, rather than limiting God’s memory. The Greek word for “forgive” (aphiemi) literally means “to let go” or “to send away,” suggesting a release of the debt rather than a psychological loss of memory.
Indeed, the opposite of forgetting – remembering – is an often repeated command in scripture. We are commanded to remember God’s commandments, to remember God’s mighty deed. We are commanded to remember the needs of the poor, the sick, the oppressed, the stranger in our land, those who grieve, to remember to be hospitable just like God. God has even given us sacraments to help our remembering – baptism to remember our commitment to walk the Jesus’ Way, The Eucharist bread and wine to remember the constant presence and power of The Lord Jesus Christ in us, amongst us disciples.
Consider also that remembering is the very basis of wisdom. Pick any wisdom teaching in the Holy Bible and you will see that remembering is fundamental to developing and retaining wisdom. Wisdom begins by remembering and reflecting upon our experiences. For example: ” Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations; ask your father, and he will show you, your elders, and they will tell you.” Deuteronomy 32:7 ESV and ” I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:11–12. Also check out Deuteronomy 4:9, proverbs 3:1 and 4:5, and Ecclesiastes 12:1, In the New Testament see 2 Peter 1:12-13 and Jude 1:17. It is clear – remembering is a basic practice that leads to wisdom.
So, I propose that we forgive and remember. To be clear, the remembering part is not to fall into anger, resentment and judgment once again. Even as we remember the offence against us, we are to immediately re-forgive. Every time we remember we must forgive. The work of forgiveness is repetitive and necessary. The remembering becomes wisdom when we think about what we could have perhaps should have done differently. The remembering becomes wisdom when we understand the frailty or needs of the person who offended us, and perhaps our frailty and needs when we took offence or offended them. The remembering becomes wisdom when we better understand the dynamics of the interpersonal encounter. The remembering allows us to walk around the event 360 degrees, so to speak, so that we can turn the event over in our minds and hearts, exposing the memory to God’s wisdom in contemplation and prayer. Remembering and event before God, as we ‘sit at the feet of Jesus’ invites God to help us see the interaction, the relationship, the episode, the event, as God saw it, as God sees it. In so doing, we will not only become wiser, but we will also become Godlier. Christ will be matured in us. Or perhaps I might better say, we will be matured in Christ.
What hard work this is! What intentionality and awareness is demanded of us! How few of us can achieve it, indeed I think none of us can achieve it without the indwelling presence and work of the Holy Spirit in us. I wonder if this is a ‘narrow way’ in the way that Jesus speaks of narrow ways or narrow gates. How broad and easy is the way of unforgiveness and resentment. How broad and mindless is the way of forgetting God’s grace and mercy. How hard and narrow is the spiritual work of forgiving and Holy-Spirit-soaked remembering!
May God give me more and more grace and mercy. May God come abide in my stony heart more and more so that it might become a hearts of flesh. May God forgive me all my sins and wrap me in His mercy and grace. May I emulate God, worship God, and be Christ’s body on earth by growing in forgiveness and wisdom. May I learn to forgive and ‘remember wisely’. Amen.